


The One With The Excuses

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean Winchester, Cas Head Tilt, Finger Sucking, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fucking, Hand Jobs, M/M, Smut, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top!Cas, bottom!Dean, head tilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 01:03:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20857658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dean isn't ready to tell anyone about his and Cas's... current situation, but he doesn't want to stop. Instead, they make up excuses to wander off together. The more often they do it, the more ridiculous the excuses get. The more ridiculous the excuses get, the more annoyed Cas gets. Sam is, of course, oblivious to it, no matter how bad the boys are at hiding it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like reading this as much as I liked writing it! Please pay attention to where the quotation marks are! Love Y'all!

**Dean**

“Shoot!-” Damnit. 

“HA!” Sam cheers “You never learn do you!”

Actually I do learn, and I know what I’m doing. “Yeah, yeah.” I say trying to sound mad.

“Always scissors, you  _ always _ choose scissors! Laundry duty for you sucker!”

“Bitch-” I look over at Cas who is slightly grinning at me. I know he knows whats up. 

“Jerk.” Sam says back to me as I pick up the few baskets of laundry. 

Cas comes over to me and tries to take a basket from me “I could help!” He says, I let him take one basket, and I carry the other two. 

“If you want” I reply with a dead tone. I accidentally smile at him for a second, but I don’t think anyone saw. 

“Grab the quarters!” Sam says to me as I follow Cas out of the bunker door. Of course I already grabbed them. 

We put the baskets into the back of my car and get in. I turn down the radio a little bit. I had it pretty loud earlier, and I’m not the same person now that I was then.

“I don’t know why you guys insist on doing laundry this late.” Cas says staring out the window. 

“Because,” I say “No one else is ever there, and we can do things like this!”

“Like what?” He asks, still looking out the window. “You sound so excited.”

“You know what.” I say rolling my eyes quickly then stare back out at the road. 

“I do know… But I wanted to hear you say it.” He finally looks at me, smiling that soft smile he does. 

“HA! Yeah right. I’m not saying it, because you already know.”

“Dean, you are being ridiculous. This is getting-  _ ridiculous” _

“Com’on Cas, this is fun!...” He’s staring at me like he’s disappointed. Or at least it feels that way, I can’t really look at him for too long at one time. “Don’t make me say it.” I say in a slight whine. 

“Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with Dean.” Guilt. He hit me with guilt. 

I pull into the laundromat “Alright, we’re here-” Cas throws himself onto me like he was waiting for this the whole ride. At first I was a little taken aback about it, but I really like kissing him. He makes it so enjoyable, how could I not? He makes these little “Mmf” noises and tiny moans, I love it. And the scruff on his face is surprisingly soft. Good thing too because he never shaves clean. Ever. 

Not even a minute goes by and Cas shoves his hand between my legs. “Woah!” I pull away from him. He sorta falls forward a little bit. “Not that I don’t,” I pause “Love this, but we actually do have to do laundry while we’re here.” I look at him in the eyes. He looks down and shrugs. 

“Okay, you’re right.” We get out of the car, grab the basket and head inside. The lights are so white and blinding like a doctors office when we walk in. The change from darkness to this is extreme. I look over and see a guy folding his clothes. Fuck. We’re not alone. At least he looks like he’s almost done. 

I look over at Cas who’s holding a basket, standing by a machine and looking at me annoyed. He turns his head towards the guy who’s also here. I shrug. How was I supposed to know someone would be here doing their laundry at 2:30 in the friggin’ morning?

We put all the clothes into four different machines and get them going. I leaned up against a machine and Cas comes and stands in front of me. Close- in front of me. I look into his eyes. He looks back with a half smile and steps closer. So now, we are about as close as we can get without actually touching. I uncross my arms and brace myself against the machine behind me. 

I’m waiting for Cas. He’s waiting. He’s not moving and he’s not breaking eye contact. I lean up to him. He doesn't move. 

**Cas**

Yeah, I’m waiting for the guy to leave. Dean said himself the reason we ‘do laundry’ this late is so we are alone. Sam, I think is a pretty smart guy, so I don’t know how he hasn’t figured out about Dean and I yet. Also, he never questions our reasons for wandering off. And he never complains about how late they do laundry, he just goes with it.

I’m waiting for the bells hanging on the door to jingle so I can start ‘feeling up’ Dean, as he would like to say. The bells. I am waiting for the bells, so I know the guy has left. Waiting is so hard. I look down and apparently, so is Dean. He turns his head towards the door. He must be watching the guy walk out. I’m waiting, because I know Dean wants to keep this secret. From Sam, from their friends, from, I don’t know who else, but I know he wants this private. 

What is taking this guy so long. Maybe it’s not takinging long and really it just feels long because I’ve been anticipating this for a while. Dean looks back at me finally and smiles awkwardly and small. I hear the jingle. Bless the bells! He’s gone. I lean forward harshly, grabbing Deans hips and pressing him into the washer. He wiggles when he gets excited, this is the only way. He wraps his arms around behind my neck and pulls me closer towards him. I love when he does that. 

We’re in public, and we both know we can’t  _ really _ do this, but we can  _ kind of _ do this. We  _ are  _ behind a wall of washers, so… 

I know what I can do. I reach my hand over toward the bulge in his pants and start fondling him rough through his jeans. I know he likes things rough. He moans softly and jerks forward at the contact but quickly goes back to making out. Oh yeah, I’m doing this. 

**Dean**

Obviously I know there’s only so much we can do here. I know the limits though. Cas is acting like he’s gonna do it, but  _ I’m  _ gonna do it. He makes me feel really good though… No, I’m still gonna be the one to do it. I briefly grind forward into his hand, then start kissing down his jaw line. 

“Ohhhhhh no.” Cas purred at me in a low rumble. What? Does he not want me to do this. “I’m doing it. Not you.”

I come off for a second and get my lips really close to his ear. “Yeah right.” I say dead pan. I like his ear big and sloppy. He doesn't like that, but I like how he gets when I do it. He tenses up and gets goosebumps and he looks so cute when he’s thrown off like this. 

I start kissing him on his neck. Cas leans into it immediately. Cas grabs my shoulders and pushes me away. I look at him confused and sort of offended. “Dean.” He says my name in such a deep, commanding voice. Good thing I’m leaning against this machine, because my knees gave a little bit. He smiles at me deviously and then starts sinking down dragging his hands against me until his knees hit the floor. I’m breathing really fast. Okay maybe he’s doing this. 

He’s staring up at me. Gawd he’s so hot. I bite my lip. He lifts up my shirt and starts kissing my lower stomach making my dick twitch. As he’s sucking on my stomach, undoubtedly leaving hickies, he starts unbuttoning my pants. He only stops kissing me to unzip them. 

**Cas**

“No underwear?” I ask.

He replies “It’s laundry day.” He never wears underwear, but he always has a bad justification as to why. I roll my eyes. I pull his jeans down just enough to let his dick out and lean in. He throws his head back in anticipation. He seems lost again at the fact that I’m not currently going down on him. The reason? He’s twitching and wiggling…  _ again _ . I grab his hips…  _ again _ , and press him back while simultaneously taking him in. “Awh!” He lets out a short, but loud moan. That means keep going. 

I start sucking harder and longer until he looks like he's about to go over the edge. He starts panting and gasping hard. I know what to do. Obviously. 

“Cas! I’m close, I’m so close!” He says shortly. 

I lick deep into the slit of his cock and he comes instantaneously. He’s so easy. The washer dings, meaning it just finished also. Dean looks so happy… and also like he's about to faint, is he alright?

**Dean**

He swallowed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, Dean's hard like waiting, and finished when the washer did. (Just in case that wasn't clear) <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Dean**

We get back to the bunker and try to be as quiet as possible. Cas is pretty good at it, but he says I “Step like an elephant” so I guess I’m not? Good at being quiet?

“Why can’t we do stuff here?” Cas whispers.

“Because we get too loud.” I shrug as I set down my now clean and folded basket of laundry and watch as Cas does the same.

“Because you’re a screamer?”

I can’t believe he just said that. “What?” I’m trying not to sound offended but it’s not working. “No I’m not! It’s just Sams a light sleeper and  _ we _ aren’t quiet enough for that.”

“It’s because you’re a screamer.” He smirks at me. He said that as a statement. And he means it. 

“Shuddup.” I playfully backhand him in the shoulder and walk into my room. 

“You’re bothered because I’m right.” He winks at me and follows me in.

**Cas**

The next morning, Dean wakes up at a regular time like he didn’t just go to bed at 4 in the morning. He comes into the kitchen where Sam and I already are and grabs a cup for coffee. 

“Jody called and was telling me about something odd in Sioux Falls. She’s never seen it before and she thinks it might be our kind of thing.” Sam says looking up from his computer.

“Good morning to you too, Sam, Cas.” He looks over at me with a smile “What do ya think it is?” Dean huffs as he leans against the counter. 

“I don’t know. She said it’s in the middle of town, but everything else sounds like it might be a ghost. I can’t find anything on line, so you know what that means.” Sam says. I actually  _ don’t know  _ what that means.

“No, what?” I ask

“Libraries, and talking to people.” I turn to look at Dean “Fun times.” Dean says to me, winking as he says the last bit. I widen my eyes at him and turn back around slowly. 

“So when are we leaving?” Dean asks. 

“Like,” Sam checks his watch “30 minutes?”

Dean sighs deeply and takes a big drink of his coffee, then sets it down on the counter. “Alright.” He walks away toward his room.

“Do you need any help packing?” I ask. He knows what that means. 

“Maybe a little.” He says halfway down the hall. I get up fast. I don’t think Sam notices me eagerly jump up though. I walk into Dean's room, he looks like he already started packing. 

“If I pack fast, we won’t look suspicious for being here for too long” He throws some things into his duffle and zips it up. 

“You know, if you really  _ don’t  _ want to get caught, we don’t really have time for anything.” I say. Although, he did pack amazingly fast.

“Yeah, but we have a little time for this-” He leaps at me and presses our lips together hungrily. Sometimes I forget how much Dean truly does love kissing. I think I often forget because of Dean personality, he doesn't seem like the kind to like the stuff leading up. And also probably due to his overall libido.

He’s holding the sides of my shoulders, so I can’t lift my hands any higher than his waist, otherwise risking our perfect rhythm. After some time, I lean in closer to him deepening the kiss. He momentarily follows my lead, then pulls away. 

This is somewhat frustrating. I want to touch him, and be all over him, but we have to keep it a secret. It’s okay. I understand where he’s coming from I guess. 

“We have to go.” He says reaching for his bag. 

He goes for the door before I interrupt him. “Wait,” He turns “Your lips are sort of swollen.”

He looks at me confused. I don’t know what to do about it, but he should know. He feels his lips with his fingers and shrugs. “Sam won’t notice.” I say to maybe make him feel better.

“I hope so.” He says. I mean, why would Sam notice? It actually might be weird if he did. We walk out of the room and meet sam back in the kitchen.

We all walk out to Dean's car and they put their stuff in the back. 

“I actually didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m gonna sleep in the back if that's okay.” Sam says to us. He looks at me for confirmation so I nod. Then he looks over at Dean.

“I don’t care, dude.” He shifts his eyes over to me and raises his eyebrows. 

“Great.” Sam says crawling into the back seat. 

Dean gets into the driver's seat, naturally. “I guess I’m in the front!” I cheer. I never get to sit in the front. I get in next to Dean smiling. He definitely notices because he chuckles lightly. He turns on the music softly and we drive away.

**Dean**

Wow. Sam really  _ was _ tired, he fell asleep on a dime. Cas has been grinning, literally, the whole time. After a while of being on the road, he reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh. I’m startled at first and I can feel my eyes go big. He slides his hand further around to the inside of my leg. He’s so warm, he’s always  _ so warm _ . 

“No fair.” I say.

“What?” Cas asks innocently. 

“I’m driving babe, I can’t contribute.”

“You don’t have to…  _ babe. _ ” Did he just call me babe? Wait no, I said babe first. That’s weird. I swear, it just came out. That was not intentional. Oh gawd, he’s mocking me.

I glance over at him nervous. “Haha,” He quiets down. “You just called me babe…” He’s smiling. He’s so smug right now, I know he’s enjoying this.

“Did I?” I say through a nervous laugh.

“Yep.” He hummed as he moved his hand over onto my crotch.

“Hah.” That sound just came out. That was an accident.  _ Damn I’m easy. _ “I’m gonna crash the car.”

“I’m sure you won’t, Dean” He says as he starts rubbing me down. I swerve a little bit, barely really, I doubt he releases.

“We’re gonna die.” I say matter of factly. 

“Not if you stop acting so surprised.” He says unbuttoning my jeans. 

“Okay.” He’s right. I just need to stop being so jumpy. We aren’t even driving that fast. I’ll be fine. If I’m not I’ll tell him to stop. 

“Wait, are you sure? I really don’t want you to crash.”

“Yeah I’m fine, I was just exaggerating.”

“Promise?” He unzips my pants.

“Promise.” I don’t know how this is gonna work. I’m glad I wore my loose fitting jeans today, because that will make this easier. 

Cas starts to shuffle my pants down, and I try moving a little to make it easier. I’m almost fully hard now. Even the brief view of Cas leaning over, sinking down, is enough to make my dick jump. 

His mouth is so warm and so wet.

**Cas**

Dean is putty. I would not be doing if we were in a town, or there were lots of other cars, but there's nothing. Just a long stretch of road, we just keep passing farm after farm and lots and lots of nothing. I really liked watching the cows go by. They are such interesting beings. But not as interesting as this.

I know it's risky with Sam asleep in the back, but I think Dean likes it. Now all he has to do is keep quiet, and he’s not doing a good job so far. 

I lick up from the base to the tip then go down fully engulfing him, letting my tongue glide around all over his dick. He lets out a rather lusty, but loud squeak. It’s oddly encouraging. I start sucking while still lapping and licking with my tongue. 

“Ahahh!” Dean moans too loud. We hear shuffling in the back seat. “Fuck.” Dean mutters.

I pull off of Dean and start pulling his pants up. He uses one hand to try and help. The shuffling continues, Sam is without a doubt waking up. 

Dean is scrambling to get resituated. I button his pants back up and slide over against the door.

Sam sits up and groggily says “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah! Why, why wouldn’t it be?” Dean says quickly and questionably. 

“Hum…” He paused. His sentences are taking a long time since he had just woken up. “I thought I heard someone scream.”

“Nope, all good.” Dean awkwardly shifts in his seat.

Sam gets up and leans against the door, slowly waking up. 

I lean into Dean and whisper “Screamer.” and chuckle as I look back out the window.

“What?” Sam says.

“Nothing.” Dean snaps and shoots me a dirty look. “We uh, we’re almost there, 20ish minutes away from the motel.”

“Yay.” Sam drags out sarcastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas, he's a screamer because of you, Love!


	3. Chapter 3

**Dean**

We get into our room and set our stuff down. I take the bed by the window, closer to the air conditioner. I sprawl out on it laying on my stomach, face in the pillow. “Where should we start?” I ask.

“Local library.” Sam replies with no hesitation. Always has a plan. 

“Awsome.” I say through an exhale “What are we waiting for?”

“You.” Cas says in his deep voice that I like. I look up and they are both standing at the door waiting for me. 

“Ah.” I get up and grab the keys I tossed on the table. And we make our way to the library.

When we get to the library, it’s dead. There's one person in there, and it’s the front desk lady. She smiles at us warmly and then goes back to typing on her computer. The library has stacks of books that go way high, up to the ceiling, but the building is small, so I guess they’re utilizing their space. 

“I’ll start looking over there.” I point to the far right corner. “You start here.” I walk to the back and start looking through the books. 

**Cas**

“Cas, will you go with him?” 

“Uh, yes, why?” I ask. 

“Because I can’t see him, and if no one is watching him, he won’t do anything or help in any way.”

“He’s not a child,” I say and look over at Sam whos head is cocked to the side “You’re right. I'll go help him.” Dean get distracted easily, even when he wants to do something, so I imagine how he must get when he _ doesn't _want to do something. 

I look through the walls of books until I find Dean, who is actually looking through a book. I wait, just watching him. He looks so focused. He moves his mouth a little when he reads and his eyebrows are furrowed. 

I walk up behind him and he doesn't notice. I grab around his hips with both hands and press up against behind him. He’s surprised and jumps slightly. I lean over his shoulder and whisper softly into his ear as deep as I can make my voice go. “Hey.”

“Hey Cas.” He moves away so I let go. He pokes his head around to corner and looks to see if someones there. When he finds no one around and that Sam is out of sight, he comes back and starts kissing me and pulling off my coat. 

I step back. Deans mouth is just hanging open and he looks confused. My coat is off my shoulders, but still on. 

“Did you just look to see if anyone was around?”

“Yeah…” He says like it's obvious.

“Why?” I ask but I know why, just want to hear him say it.

“So no one sees us.” He stands up a little taller when he says that.

“See us doing what? Looking through books to find local lore?”

“No,” He steps closer to me “so no one sees us doing it in the stacks” He wiggles his eyebrows. 

I press up against him and say hotly as I look up into his eyes “Sounds risky” I hold onto his sides again.

“Yeah…” Dean replies swaying smally as he starts taking off my clothes again.

I reach one hand up and start playing with his hair, twisting my finger around and making a curl “So it’s okay if Sam finds out then?” Dean stops undressing me. 

“Er-” He looks down at the floor.

I tilt my head to the side and give him a look that says ‘really?’ but I don’t think I would want _ my brother _ finding out this way so I don’t say anything. “Bathroom?” I ask.

Dean breaks into a smile and takes my hand, pulling me towards the bathroom in the back. It’s not too far away, no one sees us go in. Dean locks to door behind us. We start quickly making out and undressing each other. We both know we have to make this quick. 

Dean got my coat, jacket, and shirt off in the time I managed to only get his flannel off. Dean reaches into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out a small thing of lube. Of course he has that. Not surprised. I start pulling down his pants and he looks so excited. He's not-

This is the guy I like. Never wears underwear, but always has lube. I giggle and shake my head. “What?” Dean asks in an insecure tone. 

I turn him around and he puts his hands up against the bathroom wall. “Nothing” I reply, sliding two lubed fingers into Dean’s ass. 

“Hah!” Dean shouts. I haven’t really even done anything. He’s so easy, I love it.

“Dean…” I say lovingly. He’s breathing really hard “You _ have _ to be quiet.” I start fingering him hard.

“Hmf.” He bites his bottom lip to muffle himself “Okey…” I pull my fingers completely out briefly, then smash three back in. He grunts. I know he likes it rough. And I know he’s really trying to stay quiet. After maybe not even a minute Dean says “Okay, okay I’m good. Let's do- Hah! Let's do it.”

I pull my pants half down and start lubing up my cock. “You sure you’re ready?”

“Mmhum, yep, yep, yes, yes I am.” He’s so needy, amazing. He braced himself against the wall and that makes me smile. I line up with him and drive in fast and hard. 

“Auh!” he stops his scream short. He really is trying to stay quiet. I don’t move for a second. I may be overreacting, but he did just scream, so I need to know he’s okay. Virtually no time goes by before Dean pushes himself onto me, making me go deeper. Nice to know he’s fine. 

I start moving in and out slowly and listen to the small noises he makes and can’t hold back. He’s so tight, he’s always so tight. He feels so good and so warm. I speed up slightly and Dean balls his hands into fists and presses them harder into the wall then pushes his ass back. 

“Dean, you feel so good…” I say in a low voice. Dean responds well to praises. “So good…” I say again. He moans quiet and long. Glad he can stay quiet if he really focuses on it. “And you’re doing soooo good…” 

“Mhhh.”

“What a pretty noise…” I say and start going into him as hard as I can.

There is one particular thrust that made Dean spaz for a moment. “Ooo. Fuck.” Dean curses. He is breathing very, very hard now. I strengthen my grip on him because he’s wiggling uncontrollably now. 

I thrust hard again. “Aw!” he shouts louder than before. He bites down on his lip again once he realizes he’s being too loud. “I’m almost-” He pauses “Not gonna-” He can’t form full sentences and it’s hot. “-make it. Fuck!” 

It's kind of soon, but the point was to be quick so it’s fine. I reach my hand around to his already seeping dick and start pumping slowly. “Then do it.” I say into his ear. He moans softly.

**Dean**

Cas must be doing something different, because he always gets me. I can’t ever last. Not as long as he can anyway. And with him, and I would never admit this to anyone, but with him, I _ am _ a screamer. He knows what I like, he knows what to do and how to do it. He makes me scream even when I try not to. He makes me feel awesome. 

I’m huffing and puffing embarrassingly hard after Cas made me… yeah.

“That was awesome.” I turn around and Cas is already pulling his pants up and getting dressed. I follow his lead, we should get out of here before Sam realises we are gone and not helping him find any information. 

“And fun.” Cas adds.

“Yeah, and fun.” I smile at him when he looks over at me. He’s pulling his coat back on and resituating his tie. 

He walks over to me “We need some better excuses so we can do this thing right.” Cas says while buttoning my shirt for me.

“Yeah…” That would require me to either trick Sam, or tell Sam, and both are very hard for me to do. Once we both look the least disheveled as possible, we walk out of the bathroom. Good, no one saw us go in or come out. We walk back to the front of the place and see Sam looking through a book in his hands.

He looks up and sees us walking towards him. “Find anything?” He asks.

“Nada. You?” I reply.

“Yeh I think so.” He holds the book up a little and then starts telling us everything he found in the records. 

“So it _ is _ a ghost then.” Cas says when Sam finished talking.

“Sort of.” Sam shrugs “Closer to a poltergeist” 

“Nice.” I say genuinely, those are always the most interesting. 

“I’ll call Jody and tell her we’re going tonight” Sam says headed for the door. 

I stay back a little so Cas and I can walk together. That’s not weird is it? No. We’re friends, it’s completely normal. I smile at him. I can’t _ not _ smile when I look at him. It’s completely involuntary. He smiles back at me. For whatever reason my stomach flips and I feel all fuzzy. 

I realize I’m just gazing at him with huge googly eyes like an idiot. “You’re amazing.” I say to him. I’ve wanted to say that for a long time but could never work up enough guts. He tilts his head and looks over to me, gazing back with a soft smile. 

We get back to the car and get in.

“Hungry?” I look over at Sam.

He nods “Burgers?”

“Yes.” Cas chuckles in the back. I glance at him. He’s staring out the window. I wonder what he’s thinking about. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Cas**

We get to Jodys house at around 1:30 in the morning. She greets us with smiles and hugs, but she looks worried. And tired. 

“Why did all the attacks happen at 3 in the morning, huh? Why not 5 in the afternoon or something? That way we could all actually sleep at night!” Jody jokes and everyone laughs. 

“Sorry Jody.” Sam says with a half smile as he looks down at the floor.

“This is the life!” Dean chimes in. He looks over at me and I shrug a smile. I give him a sympathetic look. His eyes are so green, I almost get lost in them but Jody says something and it pulls me back to reality. 

“So should we get going then?” She smiles and glances at each one of us, waiting for someone to answer. Deans still looking at me. I look away and realise that Jody is looking back and forth at us. She looks confused. 

Sam is going for the door handle as he says “Alright!” joyfully and swings the door open for all of us to walk through. Jody goes first, then Dean, and I follow him. 

We all pile into Dean's car and drive to the center of town where the most buildings are. Even the most dense part of this town is still pretty empty. All we know about this thing is that it always strikes at around 3, and it’s always this part of town. Luckily, since this area is so small, We can split and cover most all of it. 

We pull in between two buildings in a sort of alleyway. “You and Cas can take this side” Sam says and gestures out towards our right “And Jody and I will take the other, sound good?”

We all nod and then get out of the car. 

**Dean**

Cas and I are alone… and it’s dark… and I’m quite bored. We’ve been walking around for a while and nothing. I walk faster to get in front of him. He stops and just stares at me. 

“No ones here.”

“Dean you are insatiable.” Cas says. 

“Yeah, and?” He laughs small and shakes his head.

“We’re doing something. And it’s important” He argues. “We can’t”

“It’s…” I check my watch “2! We have time… If you want to we can.”

“I don’t know.” He says actually contemplating.

I get behind him and reach around to start unbuttoning his pants. “I think you do…” I whisper into his ear then start kissing him down his neck. 

Cas puts his head back slowly and then says quickly “Okay” 

I carefully pull down his slacks and underwear enough and take his dick in my hand. I can see him grin out of the corner of my eye. His body pulses forward and I feel him get hard in literally record time. I grind softly into his ass and I feel him push back on me. 

“Mmm.” I can’t be quiet, it’s physically impossible. 

“Oh, Dean.” I love when he says my name. Or moans it, I love it. I start pumping my hand slowly and gently. Cas thrust forward into my hand, “Dean- Go faster”

“Uhmm… No.” I say sweetly.

“What?” Cas asks after a sharp exhale.

“I said,” I start pumping even slower “no…” 

“Dean!” He whines. 

“Yes?” I know this is killing him, but he’s always in control.  _ Always _ . 

“Please, Dean?” I go a little faster, but still slow. “Fuck.”

“Language.” I tease and start jacking him a little faster. He growls at me. 

“Please.” He huffs out “Please, Dean. Please!” 

I know I’ll pay for this later, but this is so fun. Cas is begging. He’s begging  _ ME. _ “I guess.” I reply. I go at a normal speed but not fast. 

“Thank you!” He shouts sounding relieved. 

“Who’s the screamer now?” When I say that he pushes his ass against my dick, which is hard, and completely trapped by my jeans, and that felt really fuckin’ good. “AHHA!” 

“Looks like it’s still you.” He snarks. Fine. Two can play. I start pump fast and steady. “Oooo!” He breaths “Yes!” 

I watch as he totally releases any control that he had. He just feels this and let’s it all happen how it’s gonna happen. He clenches and is thrown forward by his reflexes. He’s close. I look at him, like really look at him. He is so pretty. He’s fuckin’ gorgeous. And he wants to date me. For real he does. 

“Dean-” He grunts “Rhmf- It’s… I’m… I- AHH!”

“Go ahead Cas… Do it.” I kiss the side of his head and he comes all over my hand with a final moan. He turns and starts kissing me slamming me into the nearby building. It seems very important to Cas that he stays in control. He grinds his hips against mine and I moan into his mouth. I want to touch him, but my hands are kinda gross. 

He steps back begins pulling his pants back up. He smiles at me. I look him right in the eyes. His eyes, his goddamn eyes. They’re just so- perfect. I start exaggeratedly licking his cum off my hands and he looks back at me wide eyed. 

“Hot.” Cas says incomprehensibly.

“What?” 

“I said you’re hot, that was hot, you’re really fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. And I wanna do you. Properly.”

“We can’t, rain check?” I say “We don't have time. We have stuff to do, but this,” I pause “this was fun.”

Cas frowns but turns it into a half smile “It was. And you're right, we do.” He is now grinning at me “But we WILL do this properly…” He comes back over to me and lunges up, giving me a short kiss before walking away. I guess we’re walking around again. 

“Yeah…” I say watching him walk for a second before running up to walk beside him. 

Properly? I know what properly means, and I also know that is going to be hard to pull off. I know he wants me to tell Sam, and Jody, and whoever else. I know he wants to do me properly, and do  _ this _ properly. I know he’s tired of the excuses we make up so we can sneak around. And he’s tired of the excuses I have to keep this a secret. 

He isnt pressuring me to tell anyone if I don’t want to, but I know he wants me to. Maybe we should tell people, It would make things easier. And open new opportunities to do things. Maybe I should. 

But what if this is a bad idea? Maybe I should just keep things the way they are for a bit. You never know how people will react to things. I should just leave things the way they are, for the time being. 

We walk around a bit more, and I cannot stop thinking about this. If we don’t tell anyone, I could lose Cas. If we do tell… 

“Dean?” Cas is saying something “Are you alright, you look a little…”

I relax my muscles the best I can “Yeah, fine.” I say calmly and smile at him, to prove it. He squints at me, I know he doesn't buy it, but what choice does he have? 

I hear a noise, judging buy the fact Cas starts walking faster, and looking around, he must have heard it too. I look at my watch, it’s almost 3. 

“Ready?” Cas asks me pulling out his angel blade.

“Ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Who's the screamer?" Dean, it's you. It's always you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Dean**

“Are you alright?” Sam asks Jody as Cas helps her into the car.

“For someone who just went crashing through a window, I’d say I’m alright.” She says through a chuckle. “Glad that's over. Hey, I know it’s late, and we are all tired, but do you want to get some food?”

I look at Cas and Sam who both shrug, so I guess they want to go. “Sure, but it’s…” I check my watch “like 4 in the morning, what’s open?” 

“We have a Waffle House that's open 24/7!” 

“Breakfast food it is then!” I get in and start the car. The drive is short and quiet. Everyones pretty tired, but food is a good thing, so we all should be fine. We walk in and there’s two people working, and no one else. We sit at a booth against the kitchen. Sam then Jody on one side, me then Cas on the other. 

The waitress comes over and puts down silverware for each of us and two things of syrup, then takes our drink orders. She is surprisingly chipper for someone who has to work at this time of the night. Or morning, I don’t know. She smiles at us, then walks away to get us our drinks. 

“I love this place. Service is great, food is great, place is great, no matter what time it is.” Jody says before a yawn. Our waitress,  _ Jen _ , as it says on her nametag, comes back with a tray of drinks, and sets them down in front of us. 

“Y’all know what you want to order?” 

We all order our food, except for Cas, who politely declines. The conversation at our table continues, but I don’t join in, I’m a little spaced out watching Cas. I pick up one of the containers of syrup and unscrew the lid so it’s just resting on top of it, then I put it back towards the edge of the table. This might be a bad idea, but I might as well try.

I wait a little bit. I’m dying. Watching him, the way his lips move. How he sits straight up making his chest puff out. How his hair is all messy and disorderly. And his GODDAMNED eyes. Uh, his eyes. Okay its time.

I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table. Jody pauses whatever she is saying and looks sideways at me, confused, then continues talking and looks away. Why does she always gives me a look like she somewhat knows what's going on. Whatever. 

Cas starts saying something, I’m still not  _ really _ hearing what anyone is saying. I hope this works. I quickly slide my elbow over, pushing the syrup off the table and into Cas’s lap.

“Dean.” Cas say short. 

“Oh fuck!” I say grabbing napkins. Sam covers his mouth to hide his laugh. Did I just intentionally spill syrup into his lap? Yes. “Here, let me help you,” I quickly say picking up the empty thing of syrup, setting it on the table “In… the bathroom!” I push him slightly to get out of the booth. He tilts his head and squints at me as he stands up. I look over and Jody is staring at me, mouth open. 

Cas pushes through the door into the bathroom which is one-in-one-out. Awesome. I lock it behind us and Cas walks over to the paper towels. “Sorry” I say with a cheesy smile. 

“It’s okay-” He stops what he’s doing and looks me up and down. I lick my lips. “You.”

“Uh-hu?” I say stepping toward him.

His mouth is hanging wide open “Did you-” He glares at me. I smile back at him. He knows. “You did!”

“I may have.” 

“Dean, these excuses are getting ridiculous!”

**Cas**

“I’m sorry” He says pushing out his bottom lip.

“No you’re not.” I say wiping syrup off my pants. 

“I am! Let me help you!”

“No! Dean, this is crazy! You made me all nasty and sticky!”

“That’s what she sai-” He stops when I give him dirty looks. “Please? I’ll make it worth your while!” 

I’m not wrong. This  _ is _ crazy. And ridiculous. Of all things… I roll my eyes then stare at him. He’s smiling, I can’t believe him sometimes. I smile back.  _ Barely. _ “It better be.” I say deepening my voice. He bites his lip and his eyes light up as he crashes our lips together. He wants this so bad. He wants this.  _ So. Bad. _ His tongue is licking all inside of my mouth. He is so hot. He’s feeling me up.  _ He is so hot! _

His thumbs graze my nipples through my shirt and I hum lightly. Which seems to encourage him. He starts kissing down my neck. I close my eyes and lean against the wall. When I open them again, I see Dean sinking down to his knees. He bounces his eyebrows up and down then starts unbuttoning my pants. Dork. 

**Dean**

I can’t believe this worked! I get Cas’s pants down and lick the head of his cock. 

“I almost forgot you’re sticky.” I smirk and look up at him. He did not think that was funny. He’s glaring at me again. I look back down. I thought it was pretty funny, I mean, this whole thing is funny. The guy tastes like syrup! It’s hilarious.

I take him into my mouth and Cas’s eyes shoot wide open for a second. I sloppily lick all over as much of his dick that is in my mouth. He puts his hand in my hair and just sifts through it. I love when he plays with my hair. 

I breateh out and go farther down on him. Straight sugar. He tastes like sugar. I try looking up at him, it’s a little hard. His head is back, his eyes are closed, his mouth is open, and he keeps licking his lips. I could watch him all day. 

I slide farther down. I decide in the moment that I’m going to deepthroat him. Might make the whole I-definitely-dumped-syrup-on-you-on-purpose-so-we-could-fuck-in-the-bathroom thing a little better. I continue sucking lightly, this is hard, so sucking light is all I can really do. 

“Mmm…” He hums “Dean…” He pushes himself back pressing into the wall and starts pulling my hair gentilly with one hand. 

I go down as far as I can and my eyes start watering slightly. “Imm!” Did cas just squeak? He totally just squeaked. He is kinda hunched over, and now both of his hands are in my hair. He barely juts forward and it takes everything I have not to choke. He looked at me panicked when he realized what he did, but then looks relieved when everything is fine. 

Gees, you choke one time and suddenly you’re Mr. Gag Reflex. He always is so worried. 

I start humming and Cas’s eyes roll back. Gotcha.

“Dean-” He exhales hard after he says my name. I know he’s close, he doesn’t have to tell me anymore. “Close!” Incomplete sentences? Check. 

I start sucking as hard as I can given the circumstances. “Mm” Cas squeaks again. I’ve never heard him squeak before. Me and my addictive personality want to hear it more. 

He bites down on his bottom lip and closes his eyes tight as he comes deep into my throat. It’s a weird feeling. A seriously weird feeling. After Cas finishes he pulls me up and starts kissing me hard. I can feel that my lips are swollen again, but hope no one will notice. He pulls away after a few seconds. 

“Okay we need to go.” He says pulling his pants back up.

“Alright.” I say looking him up and down. He pats my hair back down and tries to make it look normal. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be” I say smiling at him. 

We walk out of the bathroom and see our waitress putting food down on the table. 

“Perfect timing.” Sam says cutting into his waffle. 

We sit back down in the booth. Someone, Probably Jody, wiped up the syrup of the bench and table. I look up and Jody makes a face at me. Like the face you see someone you know, so you politely smile and keep walking. Does she know something? No. I’m just being paranoid.

Cas moves his leg under the table and presses it against my leg. I’m a bit shocked at first, when I look Cas has a half smile and he raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t look at me. I feel myself blush a little before I look back at my food. 

Jody was right, this place is great.

We drop Jody back off at her house and then head to our Motel. When we get there, Sam ungracefully plops down on his bed and is almost immediately asleep. I walked over to the table and set my things down then fall into my bed. Laying here makes me realize how tired I am. I can hardly keep my eyes open, I look over at Cas who is lightly smiling at me. He walks over to me and leans down to kiss me. I want to sleep but I also want to do this. I reach my hands up to hold his face, but he stands back up. I guess he made the decision for me. Sleep it is. What could we have done anyway?

“Good night Dean.” He says low. 

“Good night Cas” I whisper softly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Gag Reflex


	6. Chapter 6

**Dean**

In the morning when I wake up, Sam is sitting at the table on his computer, and Cas is sitting at the foot of my bed. That’s a little obvious right? No, Sam knows Cas is a little weird, and has no concept of personal space. Sam doesn’t care. I get up and start putting my things back into my bag. 

“What are you doing?” Sam asks me, looking up from his computer. 

“Uhh… Packing? Getting ready to leave?”

Sam looks at me confused “We’re staying.” 

“We are?” This is news to me. 

“Yeah? We haven’t seen Jody in forever! Her and Donna are meeting us at a bar tonight.”

“They are?” I ask. Sam nods “What are we gonna do until then?”

“I don’t know. What do you usually do?” I look over at Cas who shrugs at me. 

“Uhh…” I set my stuff down. I don’t know what I’m gonna do all day, but it can’t be nothing. “I’ll be in the shower.” I look over and make eye contact with Cas who sits up a little straighter. 

I start gathering things when Sam says “Well, I’m gonna go get some food. I’ll bring something back” He closes his computer and gets up. 

“Thanks.” I say, watching him walk out the door, grabbing my keys. I would say something, but then he might not go, or I would have to go, and I would rather him take my car then have to go myself so I say nothing. 

I get to the bathroom and work on figuring out the shower. It’s needlessly complicated. I get it going and start undressing. I half expected Cas to follow me in, but it’s fine. I do need to shower, so... And I’m still pretty tired, we were up pretty late last night.

I get into the shower and right before I start washing my hair, I hear the door open.

“Cas?” 

“Yes?”

“Uhh… hi!” I look between the crack in the curtain. He is sitting on the floor, leaning against the door. Er- what? What is he doing? 

I continue with my shower through slightly awkward silence. This is kinda weird. Why is he being kinda weird? “There uh… somethin’ on your mind, Cas?”

He sort of chuckles. “I- I um… I don’t really… know?” What? He doesn't know? That's what you say when you  _ do _ have something on your mind. More silence. Thoroughly awkward. He wants to say something. I wish he’d just say it. I’m panicking. 

“Hey Dean?” Thank god.

“Yeah?” I say sounding as empathetic as possible.

“Do you think you’re ever… Going to tell anyone? About us?” My heart stops. I’m actually shaking. Hardly. But still shaking. “Not that I don’t like sneaking around with you, but I was just wondering.”

**Cas**

Not that he has to tell anyone right now… I just want to know if he ever plans on it. We can’t do this forever… Can we?

He’s taking a while to answer, but when he does, he says “I… don’t know…” He seems like he’s never given this a true thought. We are both silent for a minute. “I like what we’re doing now too…” He trails off. 

“You don’t have to, if you don’t… want to.” I say. And I do mean it. I hope he does eventually tell Sam and whoever else, but I don’t want him to if he doesn't want to. 

I feel bad because I just sprung this on him, and all he wanted to do was take a shower. Well maybe not  _ all _ he wanted to do, but… 

“It would be-” he starts to say but stops.

“Hard to tell Sam?” I say after I realize that he doesn't know how to finish his sentence.

“Yeah…” He gets quiet “Exactly.”

My chest hurts a little. But he never gave me a real answer. So I still don’t know. But I also don’t think that he knows either. 

“Okay” I say in my most understanding and cheerful tone. 

“Cas, I’m-”

“No! Dean,” I laugh to ease the tension “Really, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell anyone right now…”

He turns off the shower “Okay.”

I know I just ‘killed the mood.’ 

But also, I’m about to see Dean come out of the shower, naked, and wet, and hot. Mm, the thought alone. Dean pulls open the shower curtain and grabs a towel. He looks at me looking at him. “What?” He asks turning pink.

I smirk at him and tilt my head “Are you… embarrassed?” I lick my lips and break into a full smile, then start undoing my tie. 

“No!” He looks down “that doesn’t make any… sense…” he trails off, then wraps the towel around his waist. 

“No it doesn't.” I stand up “But yet, you still are.” I step towards him, taking my coat and jacket off. Dean freezes, still dripping. He’s so easily distracted. I start unbuttoning my shirt and Dean hangs his mouth open and looks me up and down. 

“Uhm-” He licks his lips “Uh” 

I grab his ass and pull him into me.

“Hmm-” Dean grunts, briefly grinding in to me. 

He is staring at me wide eyed, like it's the first time we’re doing this again. I am slightly confused at his lack of initiation. “You… want to make out?” I ask sincerely. Not the best line, but I’m confused. And concerned. Why does he look like we have never done this before. 

He doesn't say anything. He justs nods. He starts wiggling again. I don’t know why he is acting literally wide-eyed innocent. He leans in slightly, waiting for me to kiss him. I smile even though I’m lost, then lean in locking our lips together. I move one of my hands to his lower back and pull him closer against me, and the other I slip under the towel around his waist and hold onto his ass. 

The friction, added with all of Dean's wiggling, is making his towel slip off him. He reaches down and starts undoing my pants. “It’s only fair…” Dean says with the same pure kind of expression on his face.

So he  _ can _ talk.

I press our lips back together and Dean stops unbuttoning my pants for a moment, but then continues. Once he’s got it, he moves barely an inch away and pulls my pants down. 

He moves his eyebrows up and down quickly and then starts kissing me again. Glad he’s feeling more comfortable. 

I reach down to start palming Dean and am shocked when he does the same for me. We both giggle, but keep doing what we’re doing. 

“Jeans.” Dean says shortly through a breath of air.

“What?” I ask.

“Pocket” He gestures toward a pile of clothes on the ground. 

Ohh. Duh.

I quickly shuffle through his jeans and pull the small container of lube out of his pants. Always prepared. I roll my eyes and shake off a laugh. 

I walk back over to Dean. “Can we- Can you?... Against the wall?” He asks me grimacing and blushing. 

Can I do him against the wall? Is that what he wants? Is that what he's asking?

Yes. I obviously can do that. And will, if he wants to. Sounds fun. 

“Can I?” I ask squeezing lube onto my fingers. I look at him and he’s biting his lip and his eyes are back to being wide open. “Yes.” I say lifting him up and pressing him into the wall.

He wraps his arms and legs around me and whispers ‘yes’ under his breath. He, no matter how macho he tries to be, is a dork. 

I start fingering him open, and watching him twitch and moan. 

“Good!” He shouts “Good. Good. Good. Let’s do this.”

He is always in a rush. I haven’t even added a third finger, and he says he’s ready. 

I chuckle “No…” He looks at me almost offended. “Not yet. You’re hardly…”

He puts his head back. “Fine.” He says through a huff. 

I add a third finger and he moans louder. Yeah, ready my ass. I push my fingers in as far as they can go and he screams shortly.

“Hah! Okay, okay. Now!” He says.

I roll my eyes. I get more lube and line myself up, which is a little tough. Dean needs to hold somewhat still. He won’t stop wiggling. Is he really this excited? I go into him slowly. He lets out a low moan. I guess he doesn’t have to be quiet so he is not holding back whatsoever. 

I start moving in and out, still slowly.

“Mmm. Cas!” I smile. 

“Yes?” I ask politely.

“Please go faster.” He says quickly.

“You already know I’m not going to do that.”

“What?” He asks, and I watch his face as he makes the connection. “Ohhh… Hah!” He squeaks “You son of a bitch.”

I smirk at him. “No…” I drag out. “This is going to be fun!” I tease.

“Ha ha” Dean grumbles. “Seriously? This is  _ way _ more mean.” He looks at me realising that I am not joking. 

**Dean**

“Fuck.” I say under my breath.

I just wanted him to fuck me into the wall. He’s so fucking strong I figured he could do it no problem. And he could! But of course, he’s doing this. 

I knew I would pay for that, I just didn’t know when. I can’t stop making noises. I guess I asked for this. This feels good, don’t get me wrong, but I need more. He is going so slow.

So. Painfully. Slow.

“Caaas!” I whine at him. “Please!”

He smirks at me, and instead of going faster, he goes deeper. At least that's something. It may be worse though. I want him to go fast  _ and _ deep. 

“Aww!” I shout. I can feel my dick pulsing. I bet if I beg him enough he will give me what I want. Or not. Cas is an odd guy, he might not.

“Please Cas! Please, please, please go faster! I want you to fuck me! Please!”

Cas inhales deep and he looks like he is about to give in when he straightens his face back. 

“Er- no.” 

“No?” I ask then moan again. 

“Be patient Dean.” He says squeezing my ass. 

“Humm!” I have no reason to be quiet, but I am slightly embarassed that I can’t help but to be so fucking loud. 

Cas begins kissing and sucking at my neck. It feels so good. I almost beg again, but I know that won’t work. I am under his  _ fucking _ control, I have to do what he wants to get what I want. Actually… I kinda like the idea. 

“Fuck!” This feels good. If he would just go faster. This has to be killing him too, right?

“Dean,” He says deeply, looking into my eyes. “You’re gorgeous.” 

I squeak. Why did he say that? My stomach feels all fuzzy again. Like butterflies or something. 

Oh fuck, he’s going faster. Goddamn, fuck, yes! “AWW!” I scream. I’m a screamer. And I know it. He’s moving fast. And hitting deep.

“Thank you!” Why am I saying this? I don’t know, it’s just coming out. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Cas! You’re pretty too. So hot! Keep going!”

Just like I wanted. Yes! Cas! He feels so good! I’ve wanted him to do this for me for so long! I’m glad we’re finally doing this. “MM!”

“Cas! I’m-” He knows. He has to already know. I’m a fast one. I can’t last. I can’t! I used to be able to, but I really just can’t anymore. I always finish first. It’s embarrassing. Or at least it should be embarrassing. Cas never makes fun of me for it or ever says anything about it. I don’t think it bothers him. I feel so secure when I’m with him. 

Cas grunts and says “I know” softly and deeply.

Gawd his voice. Everytime. 

**Cas**

It’s my voice. He can’t stand it. Everytime.

“Uhh! Cas- I-” He stops. I think I hear the door. Sam's back. He didn’t waste anytime at all, he wasn’t gone very long. 

“Crap!” Dean panics “How is he back so soon?!” 

“30 minutes?” I snark. Dean gives me a dirty look. “I set him down and he starts getting dressed. I do the same. “What do you want to do.”

“We can’t both walk out of the bathroom… We’re screwed.” 

He might be right. “Uhm, okay you go out first, make up some excuse for why I’m not here and then I’ll walk out a little later. Will that work?” I suggest. 

“Probably not.” He says pulling on his shirt. “But I don’t have a better idea” He reaches for the door and gives me one last half smile and worried look before he opens the door. I hear another door slam. Sam, Sam slams doors. Did he leave?

Dean walks back “He’s gone” he waves me over and I rush out of the bathroom. 

Dean sits on his bed and I sit at the table. Dean is fidgeting and trying to act normal. Making him seem less normal. 

Sam walks back through the door with two bags of food.

“Did you come in and walk back out?” Dean asks.

“Yeah?” Sam replies.

“Why?”

“I forgot my phone in the car.” That’s lucky. 

Dean shrugs and looks over at me. We got so lucky. He must know that. Dean asks Sam what he got to eat, walking over to the table. Sam sits down and tosses a bag at Dean as he walks over and sits down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deans a fast one! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Cas**

We spend most of the afternoon watching whatever is on the TV and playing mindless childrens games. Sam finds a deck of cards and they both try to teach me Texas Hold Em’ but I don’t really understand it. Eventually it’s almost time we meet Jody and Donna at the bar so we all start getting ready to leave. 

Dean is acting surprisingly excited for this. What is he so excited about? If something gets intentionally spilled on me again tonight I’m not giving in. 

Once we get to the bar, Donna is already there, sitting at a circular booth in the corner. Sam waves when he sees her. We walk over to her and she gets up and hugs all of us. I try to be as least awkward as possible when she hugs me. People tell me I’m not great at hugs. 

“Jody is going to be running a little late.” Donna says in her perky voice as she sits down. Dean slides into the booth next to her, then me, then Sam. “So how’ve you been?”

Sam and Dean fill her in on some of our most recent events. After a bit of catching up Donna stands up and says “I’m gonna go get us some drinks!” And starts toward the bar. 

“I’ll help!” Sam says getting up too. Now it’s just Dean and I in the booth. He scoots closer to me so our shoulders and arms are touching. I look over and he winks at me with a smile. I move my foot crossed over Dean so our ankles are crossed. I shrug at him. It’s under the table, who’s gonna see. 

“Jody!” Dean cheers as she comes through the door and makes her way over to the table.

“Hey! Wheres Sam? Where's Donna?” She asks.

Dean points towards where they are. “Getting drinks.” 

Donna turns around with her hands full of beers. Sam stays, talking to the person next to him. “Not Sam.” I say watching him “He’s talking to that girl.”

Dean looks up fast and shocked “He is totally chatting up that girl!” He chuckles and turns his head to the side. He seems so amused. 

“Well there goes Sam…” Jody says smiling.

“Here we go…” Donna says setting down the drinks. “Sam stayed” she says raising her eyebrows. 

“Yeah he sure did” Dean says proudly, then looks back at us. Jody and Donna are both staring at us and smiling. It’s uncomfortable. “What?” Dean asks. I guess he’s uncomfortable also. It  _ is  _ weird. He feels it too. 

“Oh, nothing! Sorry.” Jody says shaking her head and looking down at her drink. 

I move my eyes over to Dean who is baffled. “Okay…” Dean says slowly. 

“So is there anything new with you guys?” Donna says pointing at us. Dean freezes. Okay, I have to save him. 

“No,” I say casually “How about you guys? How’s Alex?” 

I think I have successfully changed the subject. Throughout the conversation we take turns looking up at Sam who seems to really be doing well with the girl he’s talking to. They’re laughing and touching and smiling at each other. It’s nice.

I join back in on the conversation, listening to Donna talk about the weird things that have happened at her job recently, and about her coworkers, and the new interns and such.

Dean jumps in with a story about a ghost we got a few weeks ago. Not this story. I’ve heard him tell this story so many times already. It’s not that funny. He thinks he’s so funny. 

“So Cas and I are running through this house, and we round the corner, reaching the stairs, and Cas slips at the top, crashes into me, and we fall down the stairs.” They all chuckle. 

“Yeah,  _ then _ what did you say?” I ask him. 

“Nothing.” No, I want him to say it. The worst joke ever. I want him to finish this story by repeating the worst joke he’s ever made. 

“What’d you say?” Jody asks genuinely interested. 

“I said…” Dean's voice goes to a mumble and he starts peeling the label off the beer in his hand “That wasn’t very graceful”

I roll my eyes and look at Jody and Donna who are holding back a laugh. 

“Nice one.” Donna says sarcastically. The both bust out laughing. Okay, it’s not that funny. I think they are laughing because one, Deans story where I fell, two, Deans dumb pun, and three, Deans reaction and how he’s getting embarrassed. He shouldn’t be that embarrassed, it might not have been his best joke, but this is an over reaction. I move my hand on top of Deans which is resting on the booth. 

I start laughing too. I look at Dean, who starts to chuckle also. When the laughter starts to die down, I smile at Dean. We continue talking for a bit. I look up to check on Sam. The girl he was talking to is getting up and Sam is walking toward our table. 

“Hey, Sammy!” Dean says smiling. “Been a while!” He teases.

“Guys I’m sorry I haven’t been here all night, but I’m actually leaving with…” He points to the girl waiting by the door. “That girl over there, Wendy. Don’t uhh,” He pauses and glances over at Jody and Donna and laughs awkwardly “don’t wait up.” He says fast, waving as he walks away.

“Sammys going home with a girl…” Dean says haughtily, smiling with a tiny shimy of his shoulders. 

Jody and Donna both scrunch their eyebrows and smile, shaking their heads at Deans dorkiness. A few drinks and a little time later, Jody gets up and says “Well, it’s getting late,” Which is true “and I have to get home.”

“Yeah,” Donna chimes in, “I think it’s time to go”

We agree and get up to say our goodbyes. A few minutes later, Dean and I are in his car on our way back to the motel. 

“Do you think Donna and Jody know what’s up?” Dean asks me, shifting in his seat. 

“Possibly. We aren’t very good at hiding it, and they are both very intuitive.” I say.

“Yes we are!” Dean says sounding offended. 

“Well, maybe they know some of it… But they can’t know for sure, so I wouldn’t worry about it.” 

After a couple of seconds of silence Dean says “Soooo… Sams gone for the night.” In a low volume. 

“Yeah…” I reply using my voice that Dean likes.

“Hmm.” He grumbles low “We could do this…  _ in a bed _ ”

“Ooo. In a bed? How exotic!” My sarcasm is getting better.

“I know right!” Dean says excited. We’ve done a lot, but I don’t think we’ve ever done it in a bed. “We could even do this…” He deepens his voice and does that shimmy thing again, “ _ properly. _ ”

“Mmm-” I hum “This is going to be great.” I look over at Dean, who seems to already know that. “Dean, you’re already?...”

“Shuddup!” He says quickly “I’m excited, sue me!” I chuckle at his reaction. I’m slightly flattered that my voice and Dean’s imagination can get him half hard.

We’re getting close to the motel, Dean is wiggling in anticipation. Dean and his wiggling. I love it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't figured it out by now, I like the fact that Dean is "Easy"


	8. Chapter 8

**Dean**

We almost don’t make it through the door before we’re on each other. I’m so excited. We have so much time, and so much space, and no interruptions, there is so much we could do. I keep thinking about what Cas could have meant when he said ‘properly.’

Cas is… doing all the right things. I love kissing him. I giggle in anticipation.

“Dean,” Cas giggles “You’re wiggling uncontrollably.” Cas says sounding amused and giggling again.

I bite my lip, then smile “Sorry!”

“That's okay!” Cas lowers his voice “I'm excited too.” I melt at his voice.

Excited for what? Tell me! I wan’t Cas to tell me! I squeak and luge back at Cas and our teeth click together. He tastes good, he always tastes good. I probably taste like beer. I let my hands wander all over him, pressing harder than usual. I wonder what we’re gonna do.

I’m startled when Cas bust out a strong laugh. That wasn’t a giggle, that was an actual laugh. He stops suddenly. That was weird. “What?” I ask him.

“I uh- I don’t know. That's never happened before.” I don’t know what that means. I shrug it off and keep kissing him and feeling him up until he cracks up again. 

I laugh awkwardly and ask him again, more concerned this time “What?”

“Dean, I don’t know! When you touch my sides like that, I don’t know what it’s like. It doesn't feel  _ bad _ , but it doesn't… I don’t know! It’s overwhelming and  _ weird. _

I touch his sides again like I did before and sure enough, the same rumbling laugh comes out. “Cas,” I laugh “dude, you’re ticklish” I tickle him more and watch him as he laughs. 

“Dean! Ha! Dean! Stop!” He laughs even more. I love watching him laugh. It doesn’t happen very often. I keep tickling him.

“How did I not know about this?” I laugh at his laughing then I stop tickling him. He calms back down a little when I start moving my hands around again.

“I didn’t know about it either if it makes you feel any better.” He reaches his hands up and cups my face, drawing me in to kiss him again. 

Our kissing gets more heated and intense, so we start shuffling over towards my bed. I get more excited just thinking about it. Cas wraps his hands around me and leans back, falling onto the bed, and taking me with him. He reaches down, holding onto my ass through my jeans. 

Cas pulls away slightly and hums. I stick my tongue out and lick his bottom lip. I don’t want to stop, why did he stop, I’m confused. 

Well, okay, now it makes sense. Cas just rolled us over, now he’s on top of me. Mmm. His body just pressing into mine. He pushes himself up and I try to hold on, but I can’t. Now he’s hovering above smiling. I breathe in deep and say his name breathing out. I just want to, I want, Cas, I need him to-

“Unbutton your pants.” Cas commands me. I say nothing, just look into his eyes and unbutton my pants. I’ll do anything if he says it like that. He doesn't look down, just looks me right in my eyes.

**Cas**

His pupils are so blown wide. All the willpower I have is going towards not sucking his face right now. “Are you wearing underwear?” I’m just curious, and I want him to say it. He shakes his head. I grin at him “Great” the corner of his mouth goes up a little, but then his face goes back to being so wide-eyed and harmless. 

I sit up, kneeling over Dean and slide his t-shirt off. He moves slightly to help me get it off of him. He reaches up and tries to take my coat off, but I move away and give him a look. He stops immediately. 

I pin his wrists down by the sides of his head and start kissing him again. He is so shocked, it’s cute. He moans into my mouth which is  _ so hot _ . I lean back up and get off the bed. Dean sits up, looking confused, until I start pulling down his pants. He sharply inhales and folds his lips in. 

I squat down and as sloppy as I can I lick a line down his dick. “HUMH!” Deans noises are getting louder, and longer, and sexyer. I take him into my mouth and start sucking and humming, rolling my tongue around the head. “Oh Cas!” Dean shouts. He wraps his legs around my back, and puts his hands in my hair. He can’t stop twitching and wiggling, he’s just fidgeting with my hair, because he doesn't know what else to do with himself. 

Dean leans back and I go with him. It takes slow and careful resituating, but now I'm kneeling on the bed with Deans legs still wrapped around me. I stop, sit up slightly and stick two fingers in Deans face and say “Suck.” completely deadpanned. He almost with no hesitation starts sucking on my fingers and I go back to what I was doing. He is sucking on my fingers almost as hard as I am sucking him. He’s twirling his tongue all around, which is an odd feeling. 

I pull my fingers out of his mouth without any warning. He licks any left over saliva that's around his mouth and throws his head back into the bed. He did a really good job, my fingers are dripping. 

He must not see me, or have any idea what I’m doing, because he jumps when I slide my fingers into his ass. He elicits a moan that might be closer to squeaking, but I’m not sure. “Ohh fuck!” He shouts shortly.

I start moving my fingers inside of him, while also focusing most of my attention onto the head of Deans cock. 

Oh no. He’s doing the thing. Fuck. I know that he can’t handle a lot, but I for some reason I thought he might be able to handle it. “Cas!” Dean stops short. He can’t finish his sentence, but it’s okay because I know.

**Dean**

Holy hell. I can’t take this. I’m trying so hard because I want to get to the whole shabang, but I can’t. He’s sucking, and fingering, and his goddamn voice! So commanding and strong! Oh gawd, he has to stop or I’m gonna blow this. Literally. 

**Cas**

I slide my fingers out of him, and pull off his dick. He shivers and is breathing really hard. His chest is moving fast up and down. Glad I stopped when I did. “Fuuuuuuuuck.” Dean says when I get up and start searching through his bad. “Little zipper.” he says.

I open the little zipper of his bag and pull out his lube. I start stripping as fast as I can, coat, jacket, shirt, shoes, pants, underwear, why do I wear so many layers? I take my time putting the lube onto my dick to give Dean time to cool down real fast. He props himself up on his elbows and looks at me. I realize that I am practically just jacking off now because I have enough lube to do this right, so why am I still going. 

Dean Is biting his lip and looking at me do it. He hums quietly to himself, lusting after me. Dean puts his knees up and waits for me to come over. I see his toes curling and he’s back to wiggling ever so slightly. He lays back down and I watch him move his hand down and he tries fingering himself. I would stop him, but he’s not quite open yet. I walk back over and sit next to him.

“You should ask before you do that next time.” I say to him with authority. 

“Oh!” He whines “Sorry.” he says short and out of breath, but he doesn't stop. His eyes are closed tightly now. He is so concentrated on this. Mmh… 

Okay he looks good and ready. I lean over and kiss his lower stomach making him stop and opens his eyes. His beautiful, huge green eyes. Staring at me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love seeing y'alls comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Dean**

I am so ready for this,  _ so _ ready. I’m twitching. Cas is kneeling between my legs, he looks so strong and beautiful  _ and hot. _ I finally take my fingers out from inside me, I’m kinda embarrassed that I got so distracted that I left them in for so long. He licks his lips and I can’t stop the noise that comes out of my mouth when he does. 

“Oh,” Cas says like he has an idea “This will be fun.”

“What will?” I ask excitedly.

“Everytime you scream,” He pauses and starts stroking my thigh “I’m going to slow down.” 

Torture. His idea is for torture. He knows I can’t be quiet. I CAN’T! I really, truly can’t. Fuck. Who is this fun for… Oh. Fun for him. Fun for him to watch me squirm, and try not to be loud, and fail at trying to not be loud. Bastard. It’s over for me. I’m doomed. 

He looks at me and smiles before looking back down. I spread my legs slightly wider to let him know to go. He hums in contentment before lining up and sinking in. I watch as his dick disappears inside me. I never get to see this. It’s weird. I love it. 

I open my mouth, but try to stay quiet. Only a little squeak comes out, hardy loud enough to hear, I think I’m in the clear. Cas starts moving at somewhat of a fast pace. I bit down on my tongue to keep from screaming. It’s hard, it’s really hard.

Cas has one of my legs up over his shoulder, his broad, gorgeous shoulders, gawd. He holds onto my hips and drives in faster and harder. 

“Haha! Oh gawd. Fuck.” I moaned. Fuck. Cas give me a sideways sympathetic look, but, sure as hell, he slows down. He slows down  _ considerably _ , but he’s still going at a good pace, so not all hope is lost.

I think going slower makes him go deeper, because “Hahh!” Damnit. I’m trying harder than I literally ever have, but I still can’t help it. Cas makes a goofy face with his tongue hanging out at me and slows down to the slowest speed since our first time. Holy fucking hell. I can’t handle this. 

Will he speed up if I stay quiet long enough? This is so painfully slow again. I started this, this is because of me. Don’t fuck with Cas,  _ noted. _

Damn! That felt good. He’s speeding up. Not enough though. Played, I’m being played. I need more. More. More, more, more, more. I breathe in hard to stop from moaning again. He speeds up. Still not fast enough. I reach down and start pumping my dick. Okay, that feels better. If he would just go faster I wouldn’t have to-

“No.” Cas demands looking at what my hands are doing. No? Fuck. I let go and drop my hand to the bed.  _ The bed. _ We’re doing this is a bed. We never do this in a bed, I almost forgot. This is so much better. I want to do this-

“MORE!-” I squeak. He just sped up and my last thought just came out of my mouth and into existence. He doesn't slow down, so I guess squeaking is okay. More embarrassing, but  _ okay _ . 

This is good. This is great. Okay, if he keeps this pace, I’m through. 

I love this, I love this, Cas is so good, and this feels so good, and we’re in a bed, and this is awesome. So awesome. Fuck. I almost screamed. Oh fuck, now I know why.

“I- I’m almost” I pant. I don’t want to be done, but I’m about to come so hard. Cas starts moving in and out faster, and deeper if that’s even possible. “Mh-” I hold it back, my scream, my everything. 

“You can,” Cas presses out “be loud.” He half smiles then goes back to concentrating.

“OH THANK GAWD!” I spit out fast and loud. “Ha! Cas! AHh!” 

Once he told me I could be loud again, it’s like I couldn’t stop screaming. Yep. It’s happening. 

**Cas**

Of course I told Dean he could scream. He has never had an orgasm without screaming, as far as I know anyway. This times a bit different though. He tenses everything and scrunches his face up, his eyes squeezed closed. His fists are balled and his toes are curled, he must really be feeling this. 

I thrust into him a few more times before he lets go. He moans loud and long, coming all over me and himself. This one is longer than the others, he’s still riding it out. 

“Can I-” I grunt and keep going into him “Keep going?” He keeps his eyes scrunched closed, and his body tense as he nods quickly, not saying anything. I only ask because I know he gets sensitive sometimes after he… well. 

Besides, I’m very close also. Dean and his tense muscles feel so good. And he keeps moaning, more than usual, probably making up for the lack of it earlier. 

“Dean…” I look at him one last time before closing my eyes “You’re amazing, you’re incredible!”

“Cas I-” He stops and moans hard again. That's what pushes me over the edge. 

**Dean**

Of course I let him know that he can keep going. Why’d he even ask? He can do anything he wants. He always makes me feel so good. And, with me always finishing first, he never really gets a chance to… well.

“Dean…” Cas looks at me before closing his eyes tight and saying “You’re amazing, you’re incredible!” Mha! I get sorta sensitive after I- but it feels really good right now, so good. Cas and his complements. He knows me so well, he’s so awesome, I love this, I love him!

What the fuck. I do? I do! I guess I do! Yeah, I really fucking do. 

“Cas I-” Woah, I moan really hard, and Cas looks like he’s about to-

“HAHFUCK!” I scream and my eyes start watering. This feels weird as hell, but oddly good. I hang my mouth open. It’s so warm. Cas pulls out and slowly plops next to me. I become very aware of the come that is currently dripping out of my ass. What's even weirder than getting rawed? This. 

Cas is looking at me with a faint smile. I’m still breathing really hard, but the breaths are short. Cas hums low and reaches his hand to my chest which feels strangely comforting. I calm down, but I’m still twitching slightly. 

“Dean, you did so good…” He says slowly and quietly. “The bed is nice isn’t it?” He rolls over and moves his hand to wrap it around me. The bed  _ is _ nice… 

I poke my tongue out between my teeth and smile. Cas giggles and scoots closer to me, pressing us together. 

“That was…” I exhale deeply “Awesome.”

“You have such a way with words, Dean” Sarcastic Cas? Love it. 

“How’s this for words?” I ask “Fuck-” I was gonna say ‘you’ but he gives me a sweet look and I cannot, in good conscience, say that. “-me.” I could have said anything, but I guess that works to.

Cas squeezes me closer to him and whispers “I already did” then kisses my cheek. 

We’re both quiet for a minute, I like just laying here being close to him. I lean into him more. So comfy. “Hey Cas?”

He glances up to look me in the eyes, “Yeah?” He replys softly.

“I’m cold.”

He rolls his eyes and sits up, shuffling around to drag the blanket up. I move around so he can pull it out from under me. He lays back close to me and lifts the blanket up over us. So warm, and soft, and comfortable. Cas is holding on to me and I honestly hope he doesn't let go.

“Are you tired?” He asks me. 

I think for a second, I feel heavy, and hot, and I keep drifting away, “Yeah, I am” I close my eyes.

“You should go to sleep then.” He starts moving away and I grab his arm to stop him.

“Don’t go” I say softly and roll to face him, not opening my eyes. “Stay.”

“Uh, yeah.” He lays back down and relaxes again “Sure.”

He holds onto me and I feel kinda stupid for liking this so much. Our legs are all twisted together like this is how we’re supposed to be. I feel myself falling asleep. I don’t want to fight this anymore, and I don’t want to try to stay awake anymore either. 

Cas kisses me on the nose, the son of a bitch, which I would dramatically react to if I was not so tired. It is kinda nice though. 

“Good night Dean.” 

I try to say something, but nothing comes out for a long time. I can’t believe I’m working so hard just to say a few words, “Cas…” Fuck I’m so tired “I luhh…” And I’m out. 

**Cas**

He what? What was he going to say? Nevermind.

He wanted me to stay. With him.  _ Stay. _ He looks so peaceful sleeping right now. All cuddle up next to me.

We could do this more if he would just stop acting like a baby and tell Sam. Then we wouldn’t have to come up with these elaborate excuses and we could just  _ be together. _ I just want to be with him, and not worry about anything.

Speaking of not worrying, I don’t know when Sam will be back, so I don’t know if I should stay in bed with Dean, or at least get us dressed. Definitely I should clean us up. But that can wait a little longer. I’m just going to be here and enjoy this for a while. It might not happen again for a long time.

That thought makes my chest hurt. We should do this all the time. Why won’t he just say something. Tell Sam, tell Jodi! I’m half sure she already knows. And probably told Donna her speculations based off of how they were both acting at the bar. 

He could scream it out the open window driving down the road for all I care, he just needs to stop hiding. Is he ashamed? No. He’s just a reserved person, who doesn't want the attention that comes with this.

And if he ever has any trouble, or he’s tired, or he had a long day, or anything at all, we could go to our room, and just do this. But maybe I should stop thinking about this. Not worry about this right now. 

Dean shuffles a little, then is still again. He looks so happy. I’m glad he enjoyed this as much as he seems to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you catch the "fight this" thing??


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I wrote this, and I shouldn't be so proud of the joke I made Dean say, but I am. I thought it was really funny. I hope y'all think it's funny too.

**Dean**

“Cas?” I wake up at… 7:45ish, or so it says on the clock by the bed. And Cas isn’t here. And I’m wearing briefs now? I didn’t put these on. And now I’m all clean, which is nice, but I still didn’t do it. It must have been Cas somehow. The dudes a magician.

Where is he? Is he okay? I get up and start hurriedly getting dressed. What happened to him? Did I do something wrong? Fuck. 

I grab my shirt and put it on as I walk toward the door. It swings open and it’s- 

“Hello, Dean. You’re awake.”

-Cas! Thank god he’s still here.

“Yeah, uh- where’d you go? And did you put underwear on for me?”

“Yes. I wasn’t sure when Sam was going to be back, so it felt like the best decision.”

“Okay…” I guess that makes sense, weirdo “Thanks” I smile at him briefly.

“I em, I got you breakfast… Donuts?” He holds up a box that I am just now noticing. 

“Awesome!” I take the box from him and kiss him really fast before going to sit at the table. He watches me sit down and smiles big and very cheesy at me. 

I, in this moment, realise how real this feels. He got me breakfast? I just kissed him with no intentions. And he was worried for me, and put underwear on for me, and he’s basically taking care of me? This feels a little weird. 

But I do… love… him… 

“Dean are you alright?” I was just staring off into space, holding a donut that I only took one bite out of. If he had been doing that, I would be concerned too.

“Yeah, yeah.” I look up at him with a soft look. Maybe this isn’t so bad “I’m actually really fucking good.” He smiles back at me and pushes his leg out so that his foot is touching mine. 

“Cute.” He says chuckling.

“What?” I ask.

“I said that you’re cute.”

“I’m not cute, I’m- I’m” I can't come up with a word. He tilts his head and looks at me and I put my face in my hands. Well I’m embarrassed again. 

“Incredible.” Cas says. Why does he always do this. I sit up straight and go back to eating.

“Cas…” I laugh “I-”

“Hey guys!” The door swings open and it’s Sam. 

“SAM.” I say surprised. I was about to tell Cas that I… I should ask Sam about- No if he wants to tell me then he will.

“Hi Sam.” Cas says breaking the awkward silence I created.

“Thank you guys for letting me go with that girl.”

“Sam, you don’t have to thank us. You’re a big boy, you can do whatever you want.” I laugh slightly and start eating another donut. Sam is looking at the box on the table. I roll my eyes and pass him one. 

“Well, yeah, it’s just we we’re supposed to hang out with Donna and Jody, and I spent the whole night with Wendy… I just wanted to thank you guys.”

He definitely doesn’t have to thank us. Last night was a result of him leaving, so if he wants to do that, that's fine. 

“It’s unnecessary,” Cas says “but you are welcome” He glances at me and widened his eyes at me for a second. 

Sam asks how last night went and I froze up, until I realized what he meant when Cas answered about our conversations with Donna and Jody. My mind went straight to  _ last night _ last night. 

After a bit Sam says “So what time are we headed back?”

“Whenever.” I say “We can leave now if you want.” Sam and Cas both nod. We throw our stuff in the back of the car and pile in. 

The drive home feels longer than the drive there. Cas is in the back seat, back to normal I guess. The ride home is pretty quiet. We talk a little, but mostly we just listen to music. I notice that Cas really likes looking out the window. Sam is slightly more chatty than normal, but even for him, that’s still not that chatty. Mostly just quiet.

When we get back, It’s pretty late in the afternoon, and we are all exhausted from traveling. 

“I think I’m going to go watch a movie in my room…” I say looking over at Cas “Does anyone want to watch with me?” 

“I’m alright, I think I’m gonna catch up on reading.” Sam says walking towards the library. “Have fun though.” Weird thing to say, but alright. 

“I’m not really in the mood for a movie right now, but thank you for the offer.” He’s- 

What?

Does he-

What?

Alright.

Okay.

He gives me an apologetic look, which is totally needless. 

“Oh- Okay, that’s… fine. I’ll uh, see ya later then.” I say walking towards my room. 

I sit down on my bed and turn the TV on. My chest hurts. And breathing feels hard. Oh gawd I’m not gonna cry am I? It’s fine. Everything is fine.

He just doesn't want to right now. 

It’s fine, It’s okay.

Why do I feel sort of rejected then? 

No. It’s fine. I put in a movie and start watching, just laying here. By myself. Totally fine. Completely okay. 100% Good. Not at all about to cry. 

I’m overreacting again. He just doesn't want to do it right now. That’s fine. I’m just going to watch the movie. Just watch… The movie. 

I wind up staying in my room for the rest of the day. I would sometimes get distracted by the movie, giving me a break from… thinking… too much about everything. 

I’m definitely  _ not _ having a crisis. 

Because this is  _ so _ not a big deal. 

I paced around a lot. I tried to stay still, but I have to move around or I might really go crazy. As for trying not to think about it, I think I’ve been doing a pretty good jo-

Why didn’t Cas come with me? Even if he didn’t want to have sex, he still could have come and watched a movie with me. We can watch movies together. 

Did something change? 

My head hurts. My chest hurts. Breathing hurts. I’m not going to cry though. I haven’t and I won’t. I’m gonna watch another movie. 

**Cas**

It’s getting late, and I haven’t seen Dean since I told him that I didn’t want-

That I didn’t- 

I didn’t want to-

I curl up a little just thinking about it. 

When I told him, he looked shattered. I tried to hide it, but I felt that way too. Of course I wanted to “ _ Watch a movie” _ with Dean. Or we could have literally watched a movie. But I said no. It hurts going, and it hurts not going. I can’t think about this anymore. 

Sam comes in at 8:40 and gets a glass of water. “I think I’m gonna go to bed early… Goodnight Cas.” 

I nod at him and faintly smile before looking back down at the floor.

“Is everything alright, Cas?” He asks me, leaning against the door jam. 

I smile at him with the fakest sincere smile I can, and say “Yeah, just a long day.”

“Okay. Well I’ll see ya then.” He walks away and I hear a knock followed by a “Night Dean.” 

He must not have gone in, I didn’t hear a door open, but I did hear Dean yell back “Night!”

He’s awake. Should I go talk to him? No, he’s obviously been in his room all afternoon to be alone. I’ll just stay here. 

“Hey.” Dean? Where’d he come from?

“Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you coming.”

“See? I can come quiet sometimes.” He jokes. I smile at him. If there was ever a moment that I needed one of Deans bad jokes, it’s now. He smiles back at me, but he still seems… broken. 

“Sorry… About earlier.” I say.

“Don’t be- Uhm… what exactly-” He can’t seem to form this sentence. “What uhh.. What happened?”

I pause for a really long time. Too long. But Dean is just looking at me worried, leaning against the wall by the door, arms crossed, decently far away from me. I don’t know how to answer this without- Damnit, there's no good way to do this.

“I uh-” I choke, then clear my throat. “I can’t-” My eyes start watering, am I crying? No. I wipe my eyes really fast and try and stop. “I don’t think we can-”

He looks at me and curls his lips in before hanging his mouth and exhaling sharply.  _ His eyes  _ are watering. Is  _ he _ going to cry? He swallows and his breathing pace picks up, but he tries to keep it short and quiet. 

He keeps waiting for me to finish. Please don’t make me say it. I don’t want- I can’t say it.

“Cas?” He says with a crack in his voice as a tear drips down his face. 

I look up at the ceiling. I can’t look at him. 

“Dean, I can’t… do this… anymore.” I breathe deep to keep from crying myself. 

He scrunches his face up and nods, more tears falling down. I didn’t want to look at him, but I can’t help it. “Okey…” he says shortly.

His voice is so heart broken, it’s killing me. I lick my lips and force the tears back. 

He sobs once, and quick, and I can tell he’s trying to stay calm. “Why?” he asks quietly, and almost incoherently. 

“Because-” I break “Because I can’t do the hiding, and the sneaking, and the excuses anymore. I feel for you, I do, but I like you too much-” He sobs, again, just once “Far too much… for you to not feel…” I swallow hard. It’s getting harder and harder to talk. “The… same… way”

He curls up and crosses his arms farther around himself, holding on to his sides, covering his stomach. He’s fully crying now. It hurts to watch. It hurts that I did this to him. It hurts that it has to be this way. 

“But Cas…” He cuts off and breathes hard. I think I might start crying too. “Cas I-” He stops and looks around, landing his eyes on the ceiling. He starts wiggling again, but not in the cute and adorable way he does when he's happy or excited. Not the way that I love to see him wiggle. His bottom lip convulses. He whines a tiny little squeak. “I love you.”

Yeah that did it. I start crying too. Slowly, I can feel tears slowly falling down. He doesn't love me. Does he? I love him. So much, I love him. 

“How could you think-” He starts blubbering “That I didn’t love you, that I didn’t feel-” He looks down at me and sees that I am crying too. He slides down the wall, so that he’s sitting against it. He’s curled tightly into a ball, and he hugs around his legs like a child would do. “That I didn’t feel the same? What did you think this was about, Cas?” 

He puts his head down into his arms to hide his tears.

“Then why-” I start getting loud, and I really don’t want to get loud and aggressive about this. I quiet down and speak softly “Why couldn’t you tell anyone?” I sob hard, losing any composure I had. “I thought you were… embarrassed… of me. Or that you didn’t like…”

“How could you think…” He looks up and leans his head back against the wall, his eyes are closed tight. “If you thought, for even a second, that I didn’t like you…” He shakes his head and opens his eyes and looks into mine. “You were wrong. You  _ are _ wrong.” He puts his head back down into his arms. 

This is miserable. I have to say something. My whole body aches and my head is pounding. This is a new kind of pain. 

“Dean…” I blurt out. Tears are falling down my face forcefully. “I’m sorry-” He puts his hand up and I stop talking. 

“Cas-” He looks up and starts aggressively wiping tears off his face and out of his eyes. “Please don’t…” He sniffs “just… don’t” He gets up and turns away from me and starts walking out the door, but stops after making it through the threshold. “I’m going to bed.” he looks like he wants to turn around, but he doesn't. “Night.”

I painfully watch him walk away. My heart is pounding hard in my chest. I wipe my tears away, but it’s pointless because they are still falling. “Good night, Dean.” I say quietly, keeping myself from bawling. I hear his door creak open and close softly. 

I need to get out of this room. 

I walk quickly and quietly out of the kitchen and towards and empty storage room. I lean into the corner of the room, and slide down the wall, sitting like Dean did. I just want this feeling to go away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was writing this chapter, I hands down, almost cried. And I was the one writing it. I did it to myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Dean**

I crash down into my bed and bury my face into my pillow. I can’t stop crying. This is all my fault. I made him feel like he meant nothing. I should have made us official. This is all my fault. I don’t mean to be so emotionally closed off. I should have told him that I loved him before this, and all the time. I fucked up. This is all my fault. 

I don’t want to ever make him feel like that. I just wanted him to be happy. I wanted us to be happy. And now it’s too late. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up, I messed up, I messed up. 

How could he think I didn’t like him? How could I make him feel like that? I am so emotionally bound. This is all my fault. Why do I hide my feelings? Cas, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. 

I should have been able to tell people. I should have been so proud to have him. I should have told anybody and everybody that ‘Hey, you see this angel, this one right here? We’re together. I love him.’

I love him. 

I was lucky enough to have him, and this is all my fault. It’s my fault that I don’t anymore. 

I should have said it everyday.

I should have… should have....

I want this to be over. 

I want to stop crying. I want to calm down. I want to go to sleep. 

I breathe in deeply to calm myself down. I only focus on my breathing until eventually, I go to sleep. 

**Cas**

I’ve just been sitting in the corner of this dark room, eyes closed, trying to think of nothing. It took a while to calm myself down. And when I’m not focusing on thinking of nothing, I find that it’s easy to trigger these distressing feelings. 

I need to get out of this room before I go mad. It’s late morning now, it would be odd if someone were to find me sulking in the corner of this room. 

I get up and find Sam reading in the map room. I don’t see Dean anywhere. Thankfully. I don’t know what I would do if I did see him. But I’m worried about him still. Is he okay? Maybe Sam knows where he is. 

“Hello Sam, where’s Dean?” 

“Uh, he’s in his room, I think he’s sick or something. I asked if he needed anything, and he said to be left alone. I saw him come out to use the bathroom, he looked wrecked.” Sam looks at me and realizes that I am verging on tears. “Cas, what’s wrong?” 

I shake my head and swallow to force myself not to break down in front of Sam, “Nothing, I was just concerned. He doesn't need anything?” I ask.

“If he does, he’ll say something.” He pauses and looks me up and down before closing his book. “Do you want to watch some TV with me?” 

Sam is asking me to watch TV with him? He doesn't watch a lot of television, and he almost never watches with me. He must just be trying to be a good friend, I know I seem down. I can’t hide it. 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” 

“Cool.” He says getting up. “You like Game of Thrones?” 

“I’m not sure, I’ve never watched it, but you, Dean and Charlie like it, so it must be pretty good.” I say to him as I follow him. 

“You have no idea.” He says smiling at me. “We’ll start from the beginning.”

Dean doesn’t come out of his room all day, except to get water. I can see him through Sams open door. I don’t say anything to him, and if he notices I’m here, he doesn’t act like it. I stay in Sams room watching this show, it’s quite good, and quite a good distraction. 

Sam watches with me for a while, then he disappeared for about half an episode, leaving me in his room alone. He comes back later with food he made for himself. I see him across the hallway, through the open door. He knocks on Deans door and says “Foods on the counter if you want it.” Then he plops back down on the bed next to me and starts eating. 

“Dean hasn’t eaten today. I made him dinner since he’s not feeling well.” Sam says, justifying himself. 

“That’s nice.” I say back to him. 

Why hasn't Dean eaten anything? He needs to eat something. 

I catch myself feeling sad again at the thought that I made Dean feel this way. 

Wasn’t being with Dean enough for me? Why did I need him to- to- I should have known that I was being ridiculous. This is all my fault. I ended things for the dumbest reasons. Now it’s too late. How could I be so stupid? Of course Dean loved me! I was stupid to think that he didn’t. I was stupid to think he was ashamed of me. Why was I so insecure? This is all my fault.

Sam looks over at me “You sure you’re okay, Cas?” I nod my head “You don’t have some sort of angel sickness do you?”

I chuckle “Angel sickness?” 

“I’ve seen weirder…” He says taking another bit of food. I smile, then go back to watching the show. “Ohh, this parts good, pay attention.” 

I zone back into the show. At the end of the episode, I see Dean come out of his room. He had wrapped himself completely with the comforter from his bed, which is pretty out of character for Dean. I can only see his feet walk toward the kitchen. He comes back not a minute later with a plate of food and goes back into his room. Well at least he’s eating. He still doesn't look at me. I think he may be blocking out his surroundings. 

I take a deep breath and successfully stay calm. I’m glad Sam asked me to watch this with him. 

**Dean**

Sam made me food. What time is it? I haven’t eaten all day. I should eat something. I get up and leave my room for the first time in a couple hours. I walk straight to the kitchen and grab the plate he left for me on the counter. Mac and cheese, and a burger. How nice of him to make comfort food. To bad he’s one of the worst cooks ever. I knew he didn’t eat salads by choice. 

I fill up my glass of water and head back to my room. I feel so numb to everything right now. I feel like there is no fixing this. I feel helpless. 

I have had my radio on all day, music playing softly. I haven’t really been listening to it though. I’ve just been laying staring at the ceiling, eyes closed. I wonder how Cas is doing. Hopefully better than me. 

It feels like someone is standing on my chest. I feel so broken, like theres this empty feeling inside of me. I have been crying off and on all day. 

I slowly start eating my food, but I’m not really tasting it. I had this amazing thing… and I lost it. I ruined it. There’s no hope to fix it. This is all my fault.

I eat most of the mac and cheese, and half the burger before laying back down. I wrap my blanket around me, covering up everything but my face, and try to go back to sleep. Who says you can’t go to bed at 7:40 if you want to. Hopefully I’ll feel better in the morning. 

**Cas**

I think Dean went to sleep. I can hear him snoring. He only snores loud when he’s sick, unhappy, or very stressed out. He doesn’t snore as much now as he did when I first met him. It’s a sad thought. 

Sam and I just now starting season two. I am actually really enjoying this show. Sam is laying down flat instead of propped up like he was. Two episodes go by before he looks like he’s going to fall asleep at any minute. 

Sam yawns “You can stay in here if you want.” He says closing his eyes. That's really nice of him to offer. Sam is a naturally caring person. Dean is too. They both are. When one is down, the other will take care of them. And he’s caring for me… 

I smile slightly at the thought. “Thanks.” I say turning the TV off so Sam can actually sleep well. He nods and is asleep in seconds. I sit on the floor, leaning against his bed and close my eyes. 

I don’t know what to do about Dean. I’m not sure I can fix this. This is all my fault. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Dean**

I wake up around 8, which is pretty late considering what time I went to sleep. I don’t feel much better now than I did yesterday, but I know I can’t spend the rest of my life in my room. It doesn’t sound like Sam is up yet, so I might as well stay in here for a while until he is. 

I need to get it together. I need to act normal. I need to leave my room. I yawn. I need to brush my teeth. I might as well do that now.

I walk out of my room and see that Sams door is wide screaming open. He’s still sleeping. If he’s still sleeping why is his TV on? I walk over to see into his room. 

Cas.

Cas is sitting on the floor against the bed watching TV. Move! I need to move. I run over and into the bathroom. He didn’t see me did he? I lingered there for a bit. He seemed pretty interested in whatever was on the TV, I don’t think he saw me. He looked so focused and pleased. He was doing that cute little head tilt he always does…

When I remember, it hits me like a truck. It almost felt like it did before. 

I squeeze some toothpaste onto my brush and I start brushing my teeth.

Damnit. I love him. I _ still _ love him. It wouldn't just change in a day. Fuck. I’m hopeless. I lean against the sink and feel one tear run down my face. 

I spit into the sink and wipe my eyes.

I can’t move on. 

I have to fix this. 

I get back into my room, I need water, where’s my water? I don’t want to cry anymore. Water always helps me calm down. 

I don’t know if there is any fixing this, but if there's even a chance, I have to try right? I don’t know what to do. 

**Cas**

In the morning, I turn Sams TV back on. He should be awake soon, so I won’t feel bad about it. I start messing with it, trying to get it back to where Sam was last night, but it’s just showing me childrens cartoons. I want it back to Game of Thrones. 

I finally get it back and press play on the next episode. I think I hear Dean. I look out the door, but he’s not there. I thought I might have seen him through the corner of my eye, but I guess that's just my imagination. 

Maybe he’s still asleep and I’m imagining all of this. 

I know it’s for the best that we’re not together. Or at least I think it is. I don’t feel like it is though. I miss him constantly, and he’s just right in the other room. And it’s only been a day. 

Even if I wanted to fix this, I don’t think I could. I think it’s really over. I have to keep reminding myself that we stopped for a reason… But then he told me that he… 

He loves me? Oh no, I think I’m crying again. I can’t believe I’ve been crying, I don’t cry. How is this even happening?

I audibly grunt. I haven’t been paying attention to the show, and I missed something. My distraction is not doing the greatest job at distracting at the moment. I rewind back to the beginning and watch from there. 

Sam wakes up a few minutes until 9, about halfway through the episode. He sits up and leans back against the wall. “Where are you now?” 

I assume he means in the show right? “Same place.” I reply.

“Oh, you turned it off when I went to sleep?”

“Yes.” I keep my eyes on the TV.

“Oh. You could have kept watching, if you wanted. The TV doesn’t bother me. I’ve gotten used to it, with Dean always watching shows late at night.” 

I faintly smile at him. “I wasn’t sure.” 

“Is Dean awake yet?” He asks me.

I paused and glanced at him, then back at the TV. “I don’t know.”

He shuffles around then gets up and goes to the door. “Bathroom” He announces, stepping out of sight. 

**Dean**

I leave my room to get some more water from the kitchen. On my way back I run into Sam, who is awake. Obviously. 

“Oh hey, Dean, you’re up!” He says.

“No, not really.” I say because I want to go back to my room, just a little longer. 

“Oh okay. Are you feeling any better?”  
I don’t know what it is, but when I’m not okay, and I’m barely holding it together, if someone asks me how I am, or if I’m okay, I am suddenly not okay and I’ll break down. “Not really, but I’ll be fine.” I say walking around to pass him. 

“Cas is in my room by the way.” He says to me as he walks into the bathroom. I know, but why did he tell me? 

I guess since Cas is my best friend and it’s strange that he isn’t attached to my hip. For as long as I’ve known him, we always were. Even before things got- _ really fun. _

I set my water down on the table next to my bed, and lay down, to some extent draped across the edge. I need to get up and socialize. I just really don’t want to. And I’m feeling an odd mixture of I don’t want to see Cas, I want to see Cas, and I want Cas to raw me. 

It’s what? 9 o’clock in the morning? I’ll get up a little later when I’ve finally psyched myself out enough to face him. How am I going to fix this? Can I even fix it? Is it not even worth the thought, much less the effort? 

It would be worth the effort if I _ did _ fix it. 

I have no excuse to _ not _try. It, could, not, get, any, weirder, than, this. Who am I kidding, things could always get weirder. But I still have to do something. 

I’m getting my hopes up, and I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t believe for even a second that I can fix this, or else I’m back to square 1. Or square 0, sulking all day, alone in my room. 

There has to be something I can try. I don’t know what though. 

Maybe this whole thing is pointless. 

Maybe I’m as helpless as I feel. 

But, maybe I’m not. 

No excuse. I have to try. 

**Cas**

It’s around 10:30. I’ve moved back onto the bed sitting next to Sam. I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, incase he was too polite to say something, but he seems fine with it. 

“I think I’m gonna make breakfast, You hungry?”

I give him a sideways look. “Uhm… No.”

He gives a short laugh “Dude, I totally forgot for a second.” He gets up and starts walking out.

I pause the TV. “I’ll come with you.” I say. I don’t want him to feel rushed or anything because I’m in his room. And what if he doesn't want to spend a whole other day watching TV with me? He might want to do something else.

“O-okay.” He turns around and gets his laptop and phone. 

I follow him into the kitchen and sit down at the table. Sam starts making coffee. He is being really nice. He always is, but I think he knows something is bothering me, so he’s being extra nice. I don’t think he has any idea what, but he knows it’s something. 

I feel kind of pitiful for it. 

A few minutes later Dean walks in, looking better than he did yesterday. He doesn't look at me. He only looks at Sam. He doesn’t seem that happy to be up. 

“Are you making food?” He asks Sam.

Sam replies, “Yeah, I’ll make you some too.”

Dean quietly says “Okay…” then speaks up a little when he says “Bacon?”

Sam grins and shakes his head, “Sure.”

“Thank you.” Dean say quietly trailing off. 

Dean looks like he doesn't know what to do, Like he’s out of place. Like he doesn't want to sit down, but he doesn’t want to be standing in the middle of the room either. He puts his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocks awkwardly from toe to heel as he turns to me. 

He nods at me while saying “Hey” quietly. His eyes look really sad as he turns quickly away. 

“Hi” I reply matching his same tone. I hate this. This is the absolute worst experience I’ve ever had. And I have had _ a lot _ of bad experiences. And this one… 

I have to stop thinking about it. 

Dean looks back at Sam, who is turned around facing the stove, and asks “So what were you guys watching?” Sam doesn’t reply, he must think Dean is talking to me. He’s probably gotten used to it since Dean used to almost always be talking to me. After a few seconds and no reply from Sam, Dean turns to me. 

“We were uh- We started watching- uh,” Why can’t I just talk like normal? Dean looks worried again. “Game of thrones.” I finally finish. 

Dean eyes light up for a second “Really?” He asks in his normal excited voice. “I love that show!” He gets a little louder.

“Yeah,” I say “It’s really good.” Deans smile fades slowly and he turns back to Sam. 

“How far did y’all get?” This time neither of us reply to Dean for a while. The silence is unwieldy.

Sam eventually replies “Cas is about halfway through season two.”

Dean nods his head in approval. He rocks back and forth for a minute before he inelegantly stumbles toward the chair adjacent to mine and sits down slowly. He starts fiddling with his fingers in his lap, looking down at them and not at me. 

Seeing him there makes me feel like crying again, but I’m not going to. 

“Hey, uhh, Sam?” Dean says in a deep, but loud voice. 

**Dean**

I thought that seeing Cas was going to be hard, but not like this. Cas and his dumb, blue eyes, and his messy, dark hair. The way he sits so perky and charming in his seat. His weird little smile that went away way too soon. I sit across from him, but I can’t look at him, or else I might jump on him.

I thought it was going to be hard, and it was. At first. I looked at him when I first came in, and I thought I was going to cry. But then he started taking about his show a little bit, and it felt easier. Like there was no pressure to act normal. Because I didn’t have to act. I love him so much. And not being with him hurts so bad. It hurts ** _so_ ** bad. I have to fix this. 

How?

How do I fix it?

I should have thought of something earlier. I’m just going to wing it.

“Hey, uhh, Sam?” I ask getting louder to cover up my voice cracks. I feel like I might cry again. I want to be with Cas all the time. I think about all the times that we stand to close, talk to loud, do other things too loud, joke around, all the things we do when we're together. How happy I felt, how happy Cas seemed. I can say this right?

“Yes?” Sam asked nonchalantly.

“I’m in love with Cas.” I say fast a straight forward. 

“What?!” Sam says quickly, I can hear the pan clink a little bit from his shock.

“What?!” Cas says milliseconds after Sam does. They both turn and look at me. I sink in my chair a little bit and I can feel my face turning red. I look at Sam, who doesn’t seem upset, just shocked. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes look like they're about to pop out of his head.

I look over at Cas, whose eyes are equally wide, the only differences between their faces is that Cas is faintly smiling. I look into his beautiful, blue eyes, and he looks back into mine. I say again “I’m in love with Cas.” More calm, and clear. 

Cas’s face slowly breaks into a smile and tears fill his eyes. Happy tears, I’m hoping. I look away from him and at Sam. His eyebrows are scrunched together and he is looking in my direction, but he looks like he is in deep thought. I can see him connecting the dots. After a few seconds to process, his face relaxes. He looks back and forth from me to Cas to me again. I look back at Cas, who has not taken his eyes off me this whole time. He’s looking at me like I’m the moon. He hasn’t said a word. What is happening? He needs to say something.

I try and break the silence with a joke “Last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” Cheesy, but someone had to say something. Is he broken? “Cas?-” 

Before I can finish saying his name, he lunges over the table and smashes our lips together. 

“Oh shit” Sam turns around, facing the stove again. 

Oh damn. He’s so passionate. I love this. He slowly pulls away and sits back down in his chair. I clear my throat, I feel bad for Sam, that had to be weird as hell. If my face was red before, I don’t even know what it looks like now.

“Dean, I love you.” He says back to me. I smile at him, big and stupid. He gazes back at me.

“Wait so how long have you guys…” Sam trails off. “No don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.” He goes back to cooking and says again. “Yes I do. I want to know. Has this happened before? How long have y’all been doing this?” 

“A while.” I reply. Cas’s smile gets bigger somehow when I say it. 

“Who knows?” He asks.

“You…” I pause and think.

“And maybe Jody and Donna.” Cas says.

“Yeah maybe them.” I say

“Maybe?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, we’re not sure with them.” I laugh. 

Cas moves his foot under the table to touch mine. I feel fuzzy again. I’m glad I got up and out of my room this morning. I don’t know what got into me, I don’t know where I got the courage from. I wish I would have told Sam sooner. He seems fine with it. And he really didn’t ask too many questions. None that I couldn’t answer. I had no excuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What got into him? Cas. Cas got into him. <3


End file.
